I have been following your sitch for a while, finding lots of similarities in our behaviours in our relationships. The mere fact you describe your relationship as on and off, makes me feel akin to you!
I wrote the book on codependency, my life has been rescueing one needy,damaged and emotionally unavailable man after another. My high school crush was a drug addict, and I was his best friend, helped get him clean and straight, only to find a girlfriend, which prompted him to move out of town, he returned, diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia, I helped him get well and left town for another woman, "thanks jellybaby" he said "I would never have found her without you". The list goes on! One drama after another!!!
Well I loved the drama and chaos of it all, I became not only addicted to the drama and chaos but the to feeling of being needed. And my god when they would get bored of my constant attention and neediness, I would be devastated by their pulling back. They were denying me my drug of choice.
What follows next is not an intention to be unkind, I say this with great love and empathy, as someone who is facing this addiction too. We mainline these men. They are our crack, or heroin. We suck them up a needle and we inject them into our arms and we wait for the rush. The 5 texts ( what you call pursuing), is also called withdrawal. When we don't get that hit, we are left anxious, angry, frustrated, scared, abandoned, rejected.
The best way to start recovery from drug addiction. STOP using the drug. Giving up this kind of relationship crack is not easy, but that is why you are here, in DBing rehab. No contact and no pursuing is the start of your detox from this man that has become your drug. Coming to the board here we are your peer support, we know the pain, the struggle, the pitfalls and the excuses! Me particularly with regard to the excuses. Lol
4mykids this situation gets a whole lot better when you get comfortable with silence and no drama. Right now your man is all about the drama. You can keep getting your fix, or you can save yourself and those beautiful kids.
Please don't take anything I have said unkindly, I know it stings when this lovely DB family challenge you to do something different. I'm still on this journey dealing with my own addiction, but let me save you some time and self esteem and self worth, you can't kick relationship crack when you are still in the relationship. And my friend you are still very much in a relationship. You are not currently in a relationship with a kind, loving man who treasures you and believes you are his prize. You are in a relationship with your drug and this man is your dealer!
I'm here 4mykids, I don't post often on people's threads because I feel there are far better and more insightful and able people here than me, but I know the path you are walking.
