trying to figure this out

[Pyrite]

Help me please. I read Sandi's 37 daily and I practice them. I just don't know how to let go. I am afraid to.

Hey Little, just want to add. There is no need to be afraid. I think the best way forward for you is to not even think of it as an either/or situation. and it isn't this anyway. Assuming for example D goes ahead, 20 years from now you will be in the shopping centre, smell his old cologne and the drama will come flashing back. We can't wipe it from our mind, we can't let go of something that is inside us, but we can erect boundaries.

Put the fence around him. then you only need one boundary. Whatever happens on his side of the fence.... Your communication is through one small hole in the fence for now at least.

you do need to let go, but I think first you need to let go of the outcome you expect here. OK - this is confusing as this DBing is supposed to be "solutions based", but I think DBing is more a generic term here.

Focus on now, minute to minute, day to day. Appreciate what you have, now, not what you might have later, or dont have now.

I can't say it enough - I promise you Little - detaching will NOT change who you are and your values. This is exactly the equivalent of suggesting the Dalai Lama is incapable of love because he is so successfully detached. The man exudes love more so than any other person alive. Let yourself go. It won't happen overnight. it is not an either/or switch. trust yourself.