It's ok dys, addiction was a big part of my M ending too. And my W told me yesterday she wanted to file. I'm with you on this journey, and I share your pain. It hurts worse than anything we can imagine to know that we'l never go back to our old ways but it may be too late.
I used to scream that I had changed, that I never knew it was that big a deal for her. My W would roll joints for me and even bought me weed. She'd buy beer for me and drive me around when I was high. But that didn't mean I had to keep living that way.
What you can focus on now is time and yourself. I'm on day 200 today, it's a big accomplishment and nothing at all. I've got a lifetime of days to count.
Stay clean, but more importantly start working on what was underneath your use. Dive into that. Deep. Be fearless, you've got nothing else to lose at this point.
I'm sending you strength dys, as someone who stands in your same shoes. We'll get through this.
PP
That brought some tears man. I'm trying so, so, so hard. I'm NOT the man she stopped loving. She is far too precious to me to let this be the end. I can be that man again, I WANT to be him again. It's all I want...
