So many issues can it all be from MLC

[HurtHus]

So I've posted a few other threads, but can't figure out how to copy the links. Sorry.

Short version, married 13 years, together 17 years, 7 yo son, 4 yo daughter, I'm 36, W 36. About a year ago we started having nasty conversations (really she said some really hurtful things to me then apologized saying she had just been drunk). 5 or 6 months ago she told me she didn't know if this would work anymore and that she didn't know if she wanted it to. In September of 2014 I had a flair up of an autoimmune disease that typically puts people in wheel chairs and using feeding tubes. I had to slow down at the gym and lost a lot of strength due to muscle damage. She redoubled her efforts to get stronger and more fit. i found out that in April of this year she began an A. In the last 5 months she has been more focused on working out and getting more fit, she has gotten a tattoo, she is getting braces, she has begun to act like she was 20 again rather than being a mother of 2 and wife in her late 30s, she is complaining about how the kids have ruined her body, she has said she feels trapped and smothered by me and the kids. As I read the MLC forum it seems more and more like an MLC.

I think the A and WW are more symptoms of the MLC. Is that something typical?

When I confronted her about the A (I had actual proof in several forms) I made a demand that she either choose our M or the OM, she couldn't have both. I gave her until I was able to meet with an atty to decide. She had been saying for months that she didn't know what she wanted (to work on us or not, stay together or split) and said at that time she still didn't know and needed time to decide. The next morning she told me that she felt a D was inevitable. I left and right before my apt with the atty I texted her and asked if she was certain this was what she wanted. She said she didn't know and asked if we could take a breath and reevaluate things in a month or two. I said we could on a few conditions:

1. She had to end the A immediately.
2. She would see a therapist herself.
3. We would go to MC together.

There may have been one or two more, but those were the big ones. She agreed to all of them.

As far as I know she has ended the A. She showed me the text she sent him and his response. She has given me access to her phone and accounts. That said she hid all of this from me for months and could easily be deleting texts, emails, phone calls, etc. She has begun to check in with me again throughout the day and seems to be more involved in what is going on.

She went to a therapist once.

She has not found an MC, in fact the only time she has talked to an MC is when I offered some of my sessions with a DB coach for her and us together.

She is saying she wants to work on things and for a day or two after a session with the DB coach she seems on board, but then things fizzle. I am not sure if I should be using DB tactics for a WW or an MLC or some crazy combo of the two. I've got a call tomorrow with my DB coach to get a better idea, but right now I am sort of lost. I don't know if the A was a symptom of the MLC or if I am just trying to make excuses for her.

This is a terrible ride and I want off!