Falling Pianos: Wayward Wife & LRT (8)

[PigPen]

So what's the plan now D? I've been feeling exactly the same way although I must admit your interactions with your WW are way better than mine. I'm as dim as I can be with her and the few times we've met have been pretty short in duration although she is displaying less anger these days.

NDY,
Yeah, that's a good question. It's important to reevaluate what my plan is going forward. Unfortunately, while I know it could be worse, a bucket full of civil interactions and a few R talks with STBX sprinkled in doesn't begin to repair MR.

I think my plan is to just continue on my current path. I am getting stronger each day. I am treasuring every moment with my kids and I am providing them a stable environment when they are with me. I am taking care of myself. I look and feel great. I am more creative, more contemplative these days and am doing things that I've always wanted to do. I didn't choose this path but I am definitely making the best of it.

I am patient but I am also fighting the false mindset that if I just wait long enough, STBX is bound to see the error of her ways. I am coming to terms with the idea that she is not coming back. I'm beginning to think that the popular image of a wayward emerging from some kind of fog is just a coping device that an LBS employs to give themselves hope and meaning in the face of utter despair. It's almost like the pot at the end of the rainbow to justify all of the suffering. While STBX might have regrets (she told me she is depressed), this can all be explained by the anxiety caused by her fear of an unknown future.

You know what? I'm okay with all of this. I can't and don't want to control her anymore. I haven't given up but I am slowly letting go of STBX as a source of my happiness and personhood.

There's so much good in this Defacto. Think of all the pain you've had to go through to end up with such a strong and positive mindset. One that I'm sure your kids see and even though they may not be able to express it, are grateful for.

Keep focusing on you, on your goals, and on being an amazing father and you're going to be just fine my friend.

PP