Thank you everyone for your encouragement and support. Today is a mixed blessing kind of day, as it seems so much of DB'ing is.

On one hand I haven't had 200 days of sobriety since I took my first drink in fifth grade. My addictions were always managed well until I got married oddly enough. That's when they really blossomed. I'm glad this monkey is off of my back and although there is still work ahead for me, a lifetime of it, the feeling I have now is one I've wanted for many years. I miss having beers with my friends. However, that is nothing in comparison to how much I love waking up with a clear head and a healthy self esteem.
Today was a good day in that regard.

It was also a tough day as I missed my W, every bit of her. I still miss my W daily, it's just not at with the same intensity. I still believe that we could come together and create the M we always talked about and were so close to having. I'm sure so many of us can look back and point out all of the stressors outside of our M that were complicit in creating stress and troubles that broke it down. But, life will never be without stressors. I write that as someone without kids too, so I on some level I have no idea what stress really is.

DB'ing is still teaching me that by changing who I am, the stressors will be handled in a productive manner. Communication, LL's, empathy, detachment, are all aspects of my M that I thought I understood, but did not. It's such a challenge to look back and know just how unconscious I was living and how many tools I simply didn't have.

Wonka, thank you for taking the time to write that email for me. I wasn't sure I had it in me to spend four days composing it down to an acceptable form myself. Truly you have one of my best hugs on the back shelf waiting for you if we are ever to meet.

To kind of quote another poster that I read on here today, "What a terrible place to meet so many wonderful and supportive people."

I'm grateful for many things tonight DB'ers, my email to my W isn't one of them, but now I can see that it's just one piece in a big, beautiful puzzle.

Peace to you all tonight.

PP

M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17