Well apparently I'm being ignored again today! He messaged me this morning sent a few chatty messages gave me a hug when I stopped at his work so he could see the girls and then yelled at me when I told him he was denied insurance and hung up on me! I sent 5 pursuing messages he didn't answer a single one so I'm leaving it alone! Toots I did not let it affect my night out still all smiles! I thought about making an excuse and going home to try to talk but I realize it won't do me any good he will just do more of the same ignore me get mad and it would just push him further away so dinner here I come! I think it's a small step not letting him get to me!!
I would try to avoid borrowing trouble. How do you know he was denied insurance, and why did you tell him? Right now, your position with him is so weak, you shouldn't relay any bad news of any kind to him. I'm sure it's upsetting to be denied insurance, so he will connect the negative emotions with you. He will find out soon enough, was this a letter someone sent to him? Don't open his mail, don't relay messages.
I know that in my role as mom and housewife, I often approached H with problems that came up with the kids, or financial issues. It was often the first thing he would hear from me when he called after work, and although everyday life consists of many problems and housekeeping issues that need to be sorted out, timing is crucial. That was one of my 180s, to stop complaining to H about things that happened, and stop delivering bad news he'd find out about soon enough already. Also to stay out of any problem that wasn't my problem, like his relationship with his children.
If you think of this in very basic terms, it's like Pavlov's dogs - they heard a bell whenever they got fed, and after a while, the sound of the bell made them think of food, so they started salivating just because the bell rang, even when there was no food. Consider carefully what H thinks about when he hears your voice or sees you. And make that one of your 180 turnarounds.
Also, 5 pursuing texts... next time, send no texts...
Enjoy your dinner out!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
