I too have found it helpful to say "What would you like to do?" and a recent example I used was "I think you made the right decision." and another was "It's your call".
I have backed waaayyy off any perception of control on my part and any conception of this situation being on "my timetable". First of all it is not in my control and second, it demonstrates that she is making her own decisions on what she thinks is best for her.
Based on her past complaints about my controlling nature, I have respected her wishes.
