Still the same, with her verbal abuse toward me cause she isn't getting her way. Idk if this will ever be reconcilable at this point. She has said some hateful, cruel,mean,degrading things to me. Anyone been through all this and end up working it out? Long shot but curious. I don't even know that I would be willing at this point. But idk pretty hurt right now and lost.
Yup... mine said worse ... much worse ... more than once.
Let her spew ... think of it like that Rocky fight ... the one he gets in the ring and lets Mr T just pound him for rounds .. well Mr T gets winded and Rocky makes a comeback.
Or .. in my case I seen W like Jaws ... the spew and the hate and in my head every time she started spewing I had that old dude Quint's voice in my head... "She can't go down with three barrels...not with three barrels on she can't"
Again ... calmly tell her you are not going to put up with her verbal abuse ... and hang up /shut off your phone till she calms down. You have to do this DNT, you have to stand up for yourself and start earning some respect .. she will test, pout, scream and yell ... but you are playing the long game here ... not a short one ... you need to start earnign some respect back .. she will not like it .. but over time she will begin to respect you for standing up for yourself.
Let her tell and curse and whatever. It isn't about you. In her mind, you are the enemy keeping her from being happy. Validate and get out of the way. Let her finish the tantrum (which may take weeks) and live her life.
Don't worry now about R because it's not on the table. Just keep working on you. Couples have certainly come back from worse to reconcile to great Ms.
I remember reading a story that a WAW wrote about how hard it was for her to reconcile with her LBH because she had spent months telling everyone what a horrible, mean, angry, vindictive person he was. So to get back with him was to admit she was wrong about all that. She said by the far the most difficult thing she had to do was go back and explain to those people that in fact it was HER that had been a little bit crazy, and she had finally realized she was wrong about him. The story made me wonder how many marriages never get restored due to a WAS's pride, I imagine there are many WAS's that come to the same realization eventually but pride prevents them from being able to explain themselves to everyone involved (including their LBS).
And now the apology comes. Wth am I dealing with. I seriously don't know how to deal with this crap it's seriously insane to me at this point.
DNT
Ever eat spaghetti? do you try to straighten it out before you eat it? Nope .... so do not try to figure out your W ... she and her emotions are all over the place .... you are the rock, be that guy.
Sometimes there is a nugget in the spew, so it's OK to ponder what she says and see if there is a kernel of truth that might be worth your consideration. Very powerful to say at a later date, I was thinking about when you said X, and I can see better why you feel/felt that way. Shows her that you are listening and considering, which can take the wind out of her sails, especially if she feels like she has complained and nagged about certain issues that you never changed on.
Otherwise, lots of STFU smoothies and spew jackets. The lack of respect you see in the eyes is sometimes the hardest for me to take. That's just the way they feel at that moment, not that it will always be that way, but still hard to see.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
