MLC SEPERATED AND NO CHANGE PART 3

[asitis]

Trying to catch back up on your sitch. He's in an MLC, and you know that this will take a while, and you are on his timetable unless you want off the ride. My 2 cents is that exploring more clear boundaries is a good alternative to going the L route. You are afraid still if he isn't in contact with you that you will lose hold of him, yet when he is around and you know he will be coming back around again very soon, it makes it hard for you to detach, and that is stressful and painful. No?

So, maybe a clearer separation with clearer boundaries that give you more space while he "figures" things out. I suspect he will bait and attack you for suggesting anything like this, because he wants things his way. You've been serving that agenda and he won't like it if the menu changes and you are the one driving that change. Remind him that you have needs and this arrangement is not working. Validate and offer to consider alternatives once he has some time to think over what you are proposing.

He also needs to see you getting on with your life more, being less focused on him. Him coming over and being around you and being able to engage you whenever he is in the mood, tells him that you are still focused on him, which is what he wants. As long as that continues, there is no reason for him to change anything or deal with anything. Why would he?

Also, don't worry about falling for his baiting. We all slip. The problem is only when it becomes a pattern, which you aren't doing.

Again, it's just my 2 cents, and I know you are already doing some GAL & detaching, but I still see this dynamic in place that will make him changing improbable and continue to test your patience that you see no signs of change.

You mentioned money being tight, but you are already considering paying a L, so have you considered a DB coach? They really are helpful at developing a plan and see things that you are not seeing.