It's been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing dire like the early months, but a slight increase in pain from the recent weeks. It's mostly due to moving from mediation to actual filing. We didn't want to use the mediator because she didn't inspire confidence, but I was the only one who wanted to do some research and it took time to reach even two lawyers (summer vacation but also avoidance on my part). Being in charge of any aspect of the D makes me feel like cutting my hand (cf 127 hours) and I had a few cries.
WW and I had a tense email exchange this week. She decided unilaterally to reroute the government money she gets for the kids from the joint account to her private account. It probably makes more sense like this, but I'm upset that she did it without talking to me first and I told her so. She wanted to talk on the phone and I declined, saying I had made my case. It kind of stalled our talks on the D though, as we both went silent in the last couple of days. I don't know if I was justified to express my surprise and anger.
WW just wrote me, ecstatic, that she got an excellent performance review at work. It's very good news because work has been a source of stress for her, especially as her job feels somewhat insecure. Her email is light and full of joy. I just don't know how to respond. I've been uber-distant with her since almost the beginning, refusing to meet her unless absolutely necessary, not showing much warmth in my communications, etc. I was told and think that I can't "nice" her back anyway. Also, it makes it less likely that she'll share random stuff she's doing, because it causes me pain.
So, how much warmth do I show? Do I share her joy? Do I keep it to a mere "Sounds fantastic! Keep it up!" sort of? I feel I'm good at taking my distances, but not so much at knowing how distant to be.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
