Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

...and... since I moved the car into the garage before I went in the bedroom, she came down and - I hate this and need to remember to prevent this from happening - stood in the doorway (effectively blocking my exit) and asked, "are you leaving?"

M: "I just moved the car in the garage, looks like it's going to rain."

W: "Well, I just wanted to say that I'm not staying here anymore because it's not healthy for me when we fight."

I couldn't help but smirk and smile and, probably shouldn't have said this, but said, "Well, I think there's another more compelling reason, let's not act like I'm stupid. We don't have to fight. We just need not talk about things for which we'll find no resolution."

W: "You have all the right to be upset and angry. I'm hoping one day we can be friends."

M: "Well, the problem with that right now is that friends don't treat friends the way you have treated me." (Wonka's words!!!)

W" "What do you mean? What have I done? I mean, look at us. We just weren't right for each other. We never were. Why do you say I haven't treated you like a friend?"

Oh boy... she dragged me in again! I reminded her that she lied and cheated, and that's why we're not friends right now. Reminded her that I love her even though I don't like her. She admitted, "I know I did this, I know I hurt you, I know I've left pieces for you to pick up..." so on and so on, then started in on a whole series of justifications for her behavior, and I countered them a little, but without fighting... then I said, "Enough. Enough of this talk. We don't have to fight. You're going to be here this weekend?"

W: "No actually, I'm not."

M: "Okay, well, either way, I'm completely done fighting. Let's not talk in circles anymore about all these things where we will find no common ground, okay?"

She walked out looking pained and - I think she just wanted some kind of assurance that we can be friends. She basically asked me directly if she can please eat her cake, with my blessing.

And the crazy thing is... it pains me to see her hurt. Even after all she's done to me, I love her. There is that part of me that wants to put my arms around her and make her pain go away.

But I know she needs to go through this. I don't know if these pleas are simply rooted in guilt, or if she senses there is something lacking with the OW that is plentiful with me. Does she really miss me? I don't know... but if so, as long as she's with her, then that's how it has to be.

(I would have left already if it weren't storming something fierce outside. Looking forward to some mother-son time this afternoon!)