IF it turns around, it could be a month, 6 months, a year, 2 years....nobody knows. I am concerned that if you are already putting time limits on this, that you aren't going to be willing to see this through.
Absolutely right. Michele says in DR to allow one month per year of marriage. You've been married 25 years I think you said, so that would be 25 months of recovery. This of course is only the most general guideline, every sitch is different. But her point is you shouldn't expect progress in days, weeks or even months. Years is a more realistic timeline. I have a feeling many more marriages would be saved if the LBS had more patience. Often the WAS does express interest in reconciling but it's usually years later, and the LBS has moved on by then. It's unfortunate.
are you implying correct strategy is continuing as before but being more focused on myself and not initiate anything. Continue like this until I realize I am not getting anywhere and then call it quits?
The overall process is laid out in the books, yeah? Set goals ---> do things to try to meet your goals ---> reevaluate and set new goals
I also know I have to control my impulses or urges. I admit they do get the better of me. I did not realize about the 1 month per year time frame. curious.
I also know I have to control my impulses or urges. I admit they do get the better of me. I did not realize about the 1 month per year time frame. curious.
Hello Maximus,
Yes, you do, but it also takes a lot of work, determination and time. I had a very hard time with that once my W left and filed for D. Besides the support on this forum, one thing that has really helped me control my impulses and urges is forcing myself to go out and GAL. I have found it really helps!
Good luck, my friend.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
are you implying correct strategy is continuing as before but being more focused on myself and not initiate anything. Continue like this until I realize I am not getting anywhere and then call it quits?
I really dislike that word "strategy", because it tells me you are implementing tricks to get your W back and then you'll go back to your old ways. She'll see right through that and it'll drive her farther away. You work on YOU. Period. End of story. Make yourself "the spouse only a fool would leave." Right now you are not that. You need to be, but it's going to take a long time. Do you have the patience for it?
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
