Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

Cali, I think the cake feeding/eject handle, push-pull dance is what I'm looking to do, and have executed at certain points in the past with some success. Got the chance for a little practice today.

I came home early from work today, got on my computer here at the kitchen counter and was surprised to see her walk in ten minutes later. She came in and said she missed me (again), said, "you're looking good," (not sure she meant that), gave me a hug... I hugged quickly and pulled away first.

She wanted to talk about reducing the price on our family cell phone plan - which surprised me, as I would have expected the talk to be about dropping the plan altogether. She suggested we do that in a few months when we're ready, in our new places, etc. I agreed.

Then - she wanted to talk about the rental into which I'm moving in October. Currently, there is a tenant there on a month to month lease, and we agreed that, sooner than later, we'd ask her to move into another one of our properties (and pay for the moving expenses), since this property is the one that makes the most sense for me for a lot of reasons.

Well, she is clearly uncomfortable asking the tenant to move, apparently hasn't done so yet, and asked me if I would do it! She thinks I should because that's the property I prefer to live in (for now), but I said she needed to do it because the whole situation is really the result of her choices: she began the whole chain of events that tipped all the dominoes to the point that any one of us has to move at all.

I calmly called her discomfort a "consequence" of her actions, and she got petulant for a minute... started talking about how people get divorced all the time, should she just not be happy for the rest of her life, is it right for me to not be happy with her... strange stream of consciousness that, at one point, led me to leave the room for a minute.

It was, of course, the monster talking, not my W.

I came back, she said she was sorry, what did I want to say? I said, "nothing, everything has already been said." Then she went to make coffee as she proclaimed how patient and generous she's been towards me during our separation, and I just said as pleasantly as I could, "Hey, can you please just stop talking? That would be great." She clammed up quick.

I took a phone call and watched her stir the coffee in the French press. She always presses the mechanism too soon to get a decent flavor, and it used to be one of our "things" in the mornings - I'd make the coffee and insist upon her waiting five minutes until it was properly brewed, as much as she wanted/needed that caffeine hit. So she went to press down right away, and I waved over to her and mouthed, "Let it sit!" She actually smiled, and walked up to the office.

When it was ready, I fixed and brought her a cup, took something from my desk, came back down again. When she came down a few minutes later, different person.

W: "So, how are the boys? Are they enjoying the new apartment and their jobs?"

M: "Yes, they're very happy, it seems."

W: "Finally closing on the neighbor's house. You have no idea how crazy the real estate business is."

M: "Well, since we worked the business together to get it off the ground, yeah... I pretty much do have an idea."

W: "Yes, that's true. You do. But... I love it. I'm really loving it."

Back up the stairs, and I think I need to go change my clothes and visit my son. He's off today. And in order to take lead on this dance, I want to be the first one to waltz out the door this afternoon.