have i been making mistakes too long

[NH115]

Wow, im really having a bad day. I keep going in the same circles over and over. Im fine then im scared to death then im angry then im crying then im fine again for a day or 2. Sometimes I have hope and sometimes im hopeless. I just want this to be over one way or another. Its so hard to live together and not try to convince her that she is destroying our family. I don't want to push her farther away. She doesn't care what I do or what I say. im desperate and falling apart. I cant sleep or eat or focus on work. I don't know how anyone can get through this.

tkdemme, that's completely normal. To call this a rollercoaster is an understatement. Your best bet is to detach (I know, I know, easier said than done, trust me). You would do well to read up on the Stockdale Paradox. At some point you will realize that your marriage is already "dead". You're not fighting for the old marriage, but a new one, hopefully with her. Nothing you do will be right in her eyes right now. The sooner you are able to detach, get yourself emotionally straight and level, and be able to focus on yourself and what you need to do to get your life under control.

I went through that time after BD too, where I was under a constant state of anxiety. Being around my W was hell when she was in the fog, but it was hell being away from her too. Even went on antidepressants for a short time. I couldn't concentrate on work or any of my normal activities.

Find a north star to orient yourself. That's part of the rationale behind the GAL activities. It may be your kids, fitness, a project or goal, work, whatever. There's no shortcuts to getting through this anxiety phase, I'm afraid, but it is survivable.

This is your life too. You are entitled to set your own vision as to what you need to have a relationship with your W. You have a vote.