But now that OW is talking to me on FB, helping me through this. But things have gotten a little flirty. I feel guilty... I would NEVER cheat on W but the thought keeps popping in there...
Well first of all, it is really good that you are being so open and honest with us, it makes it a lot easier to give you input. It is also good that you recognize this as a problem. It certainly is. You are not ready for another relationship, and if your W were to find out you can imagine her response. She will think you couldn't even work on your M for a month before jumping ship and pursuing someone else. And she would be right to think that. I agree with Zues that you need to politely tell OW that you're not in a position to have those type of conversations with her. As he said, it's inappropriate. It's not fair to your W, and frankly it's not fair to OW either because you clearly are still interested in working on your M.
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I spent my entire time walking crying my eyes out and a few hours later I am considering this? Whats wrong with me...
There is nothing wrong with you, what you're going through is actually pretty typical. When we go through this we hurt and we hurt BAD. We want the hurt to go away, and engaging in an affair seems like an easy way to do that. You get back that emotional attachment, the companionship and the sex that you've lost in your M. But because you are in a raw emotional state any affair you engage in is very likely to be short-lived and VERY damaging to your emotional state. You spent hours crying over a conversation with OW, imagine if you went further, how THAT would make you feel.
Many of us dated after BD and later regretted it. It was over a year after BD before I dated, but looking back I realize I should have waited at least another year. Recovering is a long, slow process and as we get better we -think- we're well when we're really not. It's kind of like recovering from an illness, you may feel better and declare yourself healed, but then you get out and do something and you're exhausted, because you were "better" compared to before but still not "well". It's like that. Be patient and give yourself time!
