When is kindness enough?

[Ripe]

I need to learn from my mistakes.
As soon as my W and I started getting closer I got my hopes up real quick and real high. I was in wonderland. As a matter of fact, this was what I had worked for, right?
And so, I missed the signs, clear signs that my W was not deeply committed.
First sign: fifteen days after we had initiated our long talks about our marriage and sleeping holding each other, my W asked me how would the financial outcome be for her if we divorced. I got mad and asked her: “You are really committed to our reconciliation, aren’t you?” In turn, she got angry at me. I later realized she had never asked me such a question before. This was the first time.
Second sign: Five days later she smoked in front of me. Since before we started dating she had never done so. About one year ago she told her friend it was one of the most import vows she had made to me.
There won’t be a next time, but in my next life I will ask how devoted to reconciliation the person is before handing over my heart in a plate.
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I have one question: can we say we are really detaching if we understand we have to let go but still hate what that other person is doing to our family? And feel like we will never be able to forgive her?