Wife left with kids yesterday...

[Painter]

I think you could benefit from re-reading this thread, because you're getting a lot of input that it seems you may have missed out on, based on what you are asking in your posts.

It looks like you have some trouble separating your children from your W, and that you accept her taking them from you and being the gatekeeper. They have not left you, and they didn't want to. What she said about earning the children back, sounds to me as if it was really just about her, but she also has trouble separating herself from them, it seems.

Have you spoken to a lawyer? Do you know anything about your rights and the children's rights in your area?

If she is willing to go to counseling, that's great - it shows she has not given up. Several things indicate that she has not given up, I think. Have you looked for a DB counselor in your area?

You will need to listen very carefully, be patient, validate her on her feelings (not on her actions or withholding the children, right now she's using them as pawns) even when you feel she's wrong or unfair. Validating doesn't mean agreeing, it just means accepting she feels differently than you.

You're going to need patience, compassion and more patience. The urge to make a decision or make up your mind about the situation is to stop the pain. If you want to recreate your marriage, you'll need to live with the pain for a while.