Where would your H be without you for the past few years while he has been on his adolescent sabbatical? With the audit? With his housing situation? With his bills?
He!!, even with his dam mail?
I've been thinking this for awhile now... off and on, here on the boards, you get sensitive and sometimes downright angry with posts. OR, you drift into hating yourself for not being where you think you should be or not doing this or that or not getting a response.
Take what you want, leave the rest...
We've been privy to our deepest, most intimate thoughts and feelings for the good part of 2-3 years now.
I think you are angry because you have done all the DB stuff. YOU have handled it like a pro and stepped away and allowed him his space and not pressured and done it ALL THE WAY IT'S SUGGESTED/ADVISED... I think you're angry because you did it all the way you're supposed to and you haven't gotten the response you wanted.
And, after sacrificing so much and being so supportive and following the advice... he still may cheat.
The bottom line Bright: There's not a dam thing you can do or not do that will change this crisis for him. YOU could stand on your head naked in the town square and he will continue on his merry way without even taking notice.
You didn't cause this. You can't control this. It's his crazy to get through and he will continue to push through it no matter if you follow the suggestions on here to perfection.
If my years with Smokey have taught me anything... it's that some individuals have a destiny with crazy and they will stop at nothing to complete whatever agenda they feel they need to complete... bar none, no matter if you are Sophia Loren with all the charms of the most perfect Aphrodite.
Cut yourself a break.
I think you are confusing the "final cut" with the big D. Maybe the final cut is more about you cutting him loose, completely to seek his own whatever.
I still see you so invested in everything he does. From his mail to his weekend antics. I know his brand of MLC has given you some hope and you've even heard words of encouragement about the marriage on here. That doesn't mean things can't still be salvaged. There's always hope. But, you seem to continue to hold yourself back from living a life free of him...
I KNOW!! YOU aren't embracing the woman you really are because you are still invested in the man he IS. Today, he is a d-bag. YOU are the prize. You are an incredibly together woman who has handled this with such grace and dignity.
I would have burned those stupid Playboys months and months ago... in a bonfire, along with anything he left in the house and I'd take a selfie to send to him with a bottle of wine showing me dropping the Playboy into the flames. :-) But, that's MY crazy.
At some point, you need to leave him to his crazy without allowing it make YOU feel stupid about yourself. That's just adding self-abuse to the list of insanity HIS CRAZY has caused in your life.
Maybe I just wrote that all to myself?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
