Crisortunity - A beautiful world with endless possibilities.

[Vanilla]

Most suffers of the disorder, high scoring narcs, can't manage Rs of more than 18 months or two years. Twelve years is a long time for an untreated, unmanaged NPD sufferer (treated with drugs and therapy is a managed pathology, pathology because they are disordered) to be in a committed R. There is usually escalation of behaviour where the disorder isn't treated (managed).

I was with my WH for 4 years and asked the same question is WH an NPD? His previous R lasted 32 years until his W1 sadly died of cancer. I was advised for the same reason that WH was compulsive, an abuser but unlikely to be disordered. More likely high functioning narc scorer 20 or so out of 40 on the narc test. Possibly now flowing into low functioning narc 24 plus with a higher than average narc score and one that is increasing with age but not high enough to be clinically disordered with a score of 30 or more. Scores in untreated NPDs tend to increase with age from scores of 30 upwards and their behaviour gets worse. The old geezer in hospital accusing the nurses of eating his chocolate and wearing his watch because they didn't give his favourite lunch. The old bat gossiping to the police because the neighbours kids played on her lawn. The unloveable stay unloved in old age.

My WH it's his bag, his sandpit, his issue, no longer mine to handle. Although he still tries to hand over his monkeys, especially with the Fins. My main job is to repair me.

Not all abusers are NPD. Only 10% of them (according to my research), the rest of impaired abusers are just that abusers. They abuse because it gets them what they want as a strategy, they target abuse at loved ones not at the world In general. That's because it works better with those at home, others will say "what a lovely loving man or woman" and generally because these tactics don't work on the world they aren't employed there. Abusers abuse targets because it works, they are controlled and do so because they like what it gives them, including a family.

Disordered narcs are narc with the world in general, but abusers abuse at home.
If WW isn't behaving like this with everyone reserving her special attention for you., then it's likely she is abusive and may have a higher than normal narc score but not so high to be disordered. You would need a proper diagnosis to truly know. I would incline to abusive sweet cycle, and at the end of this cycle there has been a spell breaker incident which has made you aware. Why a cycle? When even the most tolerant open our eyes if iabuse is consistent which is why disordered Rs don't last long. It's easy to close your eyes if another sweet cycle starts.

I am going to be clear that I am not an expert in NPD, but Cadet is very knowledgeable on this. If he is around perhaps he will comment?

Can I ask you a favour? Would you read Little1 latest posts for me? Her thread hasn't had a lot of traffic and she's struggling. Some fresh eyes would help her.

Thanks

V