Hi. I'm scared.

[Zues126]

Hi Dys. Glad you found the board. You have a lot of problems to deal with. The good news is you're willing to put them on the plate and look at them. The MOST IMPORTANT THING is that you keep posting.

I'll just start with your post above...it is very obvious why you would be vulnerable to an emotional affair. And yes...that's what it is. ABSOLUTELY. ALREADY. Confiding marital problems with a woman whom you have emotional attraction to = EA.

You are doing it because it is MOOD ALTERING. So is heroin. So is gambling. So is porn.

If it helps, act like you would if your W was watching your every move. She isn't. But God is, and just as importantly you are, and you will have to live with the consequences of your choices forever.

What I would do right now is copy paste the below message and send it to OW. I say copy/paste because it eliminates the chance of you working in any more of your own emotional needs into it:

"OW- I appreciate your good intentions of being supportive, however it is inappropriate for me to discuss my marital issues with another woman. Whether or not W decides to remain in a committed relationship with me or not, I am committed to doing my part to honor the M and I wasn't doing that earlier. I take full responsibility for this, but must respectfully ask that we stop this communication. I know you want what's best for me so I'm sure you'll understand."

Vets may prefer that you keep it shorter than that even, but those are the words that come to my heart when I put myself in your shoes.

My motto, and I hope you listen closely to this: ACT WITH THE CHARACTER YOU WOULD WANT YOUR W TO DISPLAY.

The days of being weak and hoping your W was strong enough to make up for you are over. She is done carrying you, and in fact isn't interested in carrying her own part in this any further. If you expect her to lead you through this you will fail. You must step up and become a leader NOW, or your future will be darker than your past.