Unless she has some kind of court order limiting your rights to the children, she is completely out of line with this kind of message. Don't reply until you have talked to your lawyer.
Keep contact with her to a minimum. Maybe get a cell phone for the kids so she can't be the gatekeeper for your contact with them.
I don't know what kind of relationship you had to alcohol before this, but did it impact your job? Your other obligations? If not, she'll have a difficult time showing that you're not a responsible parent, but it sounds like that's the way she's going with this.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Business just got bad. No projects. Alcohol wasn't a factor there. I would drink while watching sports and bbq's and then not come to bed. She find me sleeping on the coach sometimes.
The bills were late and she freaked out. I was out of town and the power was shut off. She didn't think to pay it, but it was my responsibility.
It really doesn't have to be this way, but I think she is being hard to teach me a lesson and I am not liking her ugliness, Makes me just want to say screw her there are plenty fish in the sea.
This man I am becoming feels good, but its like she wants me to make a mistake and screw up and not let me in or even close to her.
She told me not to treat her like a business associate when I called used her maiden name. I meant nothing by it, my boys and I have done that for years. She said it was disrespectful to her and it pissed her off. She said fdu, you had said recently we have 10 years together so call me by my name...I have a name.
All this drama because of nothing.
I still need to speak to her about my boys and this weekend cause it's the Father Son thing we always do and it's the last weekend before school starts.
help me make sense of this...I'm sure she still has feelings for me but is sick of me too.
I believe it's this attitude that gets LBS' in so much trouble. We think that something we said or did or didn't do was not so important. Or that something the WAS feels is "regular" or "normal" and that it doesn't matter much.
But we forget that things are important to you. Something she tolerated but didn't like for years may now be rage-inducing.
Put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she feels. Not how do you think she SHOULD feel. See the difference?
Is saying I'm sorry or I apologize worth saying. I should be speaking to her tonight about the kids and this weekend after the boys are in bed.
Best to speak with Actions not Words IMHO.
I completely agree. Learn from it and move forward. No point bringing it back up.
My general point is that you can't minimize her feelings. If she believes something, then to her it IS that way - it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
Good morning. How do I let actions speak louder than words.
I saw mutual friend yesterday and he was checking in on me and he mentioned that things were funny and thought it was strange that she is being this way. He said that on facebook that she has all these people supporting here to leave and be strong and keep her course. I couldn't believe it myself when he told me that. People I don't even know are telling her that.
It's killing me and I want to move forward and do that right thing. How do I do that?
Also, will Couple counseling be ok? I want to know exactly what her issues are how with me so It's out on the table. Christian Counseling ok? If not please recommend the type.
I thought I was getting through this ok, but I'm doing everything I can and following as best I can the rules here but when she does things that go against what I am doing and she can't see it or doesn't believe me about certain things (not that I brought them up lately. When I told her what I was going to almost a month when I realized what I needed to do or change) it pisses me off and hurts to think she may not come back to me and we may be apart forever.
Today my wife asked me what my plans are with the boys. I told her that I wanted to take them to the All Star tournament we go to as Father and Sons annually. It started last weekend and ends this weekend. She said no staying over. She doesn't trust me because I was late on the house payments and the power was shut off while I was out of for Business training. She was to be home, but choose to stay at her mothers house. She could've paid it but didn't realize to pay it...my fault now that it was shut off. She said I lost them and that I have to earn them back and she wants proof that I'm on track. She wants pay stubs and proof that I am doing what I am suppose to. She said I have to pay her mom back for buying the boys shoes because one of them their shoe broke while they where on vacation. Well I haven't been around my boys and I didn't know my sons shoe broke. It's as though she wants to pile drive me into the ground for not providing. I told her that I have and will always provide for my boys. She again said I lost them and I have to earn that back. I told her there is no us (maybe I was wrong?)I tried to get off the phone but she was blabbing away,so I let her talk and i said I had to go cause I don't want to argue and never want to argue with her anymore it's not worth it.
This is a bunch of BS. She wants to be your patrol officer.
Get to a lawyer, get a court order and have a judge set up a schedule she can't break. You had better do it before her mother talks her into getting a RO against you from seeing your kids. It looks like she's trying to build a case here.
You cannot really afford to worry about meeting all her demands and "showing them to her", b/c this woman (and her mother) are not going to be appeased by anything you do. This entire reason she gives for leaving you and busting up the family is about as ridiculous as any I've seen. Because the power was shutoff? (How long did it take her to run to her mother's house?) Crazy! And, it's a lie. Stop fretting over this part about what she's saying. Believe none of it.
Now take care of business and protect your rights as a father!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
