Lost, alone, and in pain

[HurtHus]

Kyrie, I am so cynical about her expressed wish to stay together and reconcile. Part of me thinks she just wants to keep me on the leash. I haven't had any sort of physical attention for the last 3 months or so and would drop everything for a genuine connection.

Solo, I was reading your post when the W came home. I was having a really hard time reading it. You hit the nail on the head though about how this feels. My whole being has evolved to include her and the kids. I do feel like I am dying inside, but each day that I die a little more makes it easier to see a bright future for myself with or without her. It is just f'ing scary to think about that or even admit it to myself.

I can't even begin to think about what I would do should she try to be intimate with me. I want so badly for that, but don't know if I could even bring myself to ML at this point. My body on the other hand responds to her every touch and glance like I was a teenage boy. I know what my head thinks, I hate how my heart feels, and am embarrassed by the way my body reacts.