Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

There was a mix up this AM with regards to no daycare this week. We worked through it via some texts.

I then had to go to her place to pick up the kids. My D opened the door, was excited to see me and X went around the corner.

This left me to ponder if I should even enter or not. What an interesting concept to think about. A person I was close with, I don't even know now, and there I was waiting by the door to try and understand what to do.

I don't think she expected me. She didn't have any makeup on (she has been wearing her hair down again).

I wasn't as comfortable as the last time (b/c of the text exchange most likely). I didn't make much eye contact but stayed happy and up beat. This was the first time I had been in her place in a long time (maybe winter). I noticed on her wall one of the main pictures was a photograph I took of the kids at the pool. How ironic, that she displays a photo of a memory she doesn't have.

The entire process is filled with double standards, catch-22's, and irony. At it's core (or my core) is an engineer's need to try and fix it. Despite my wishes I don't. I don't push the envelope. I don't give her the letter/s. I don't make any ripples (mostly b/c all the major issues are dealt with). I don't mostly b/c I know the best chance for a potential future, is her to approach me.

I guess the moral of the story is... control what you can control and take it one day at a time.