HI CaliGuy. I have one child of my own I had between one of our break ups. He has 2 with 2 different mothers. The OW is getting divorced and has 4 children of her own so I do not think he is planning any more children. In fact he told me if I had more than one we never would have tried to work it out because 3 is plenty. Yet he dates someone with 4!
I do not WANT to enable him but am not sure how to set the boundaries without taking the chance he kicks me out with no where to go and no money. I do not think he would but its FEAR rulling. I also do not want the kids involved as they have no idea we are not together and that he is seeing someone else as the household is run the same.
What would make him worthy? He would have to put effort and want into fixing this R. He would have to attend some sort of Counseling individual or together. He would need to become responsible, trusting, open, respectful, faithful, honest, caring.
I am having a very hard time detatching. I have been going out some. Last week I went out twice at least and Monday I took kids to park for half an hour and tomorrow I am going out with a friend to her house for dinner and drinks. No kids will be here so no one has to watch them. I have 0 self esteem I am not sure if that is due to all of my past, this situation, and or my severe depression.
I do see the crazy hence I would like to change the pattern. I am just not sure how exactly to do that. I feel like we have fought more in the last two weeks than we have in two months. I am sick of fighting. I just want to start saying OK to everything to avoid the fight. I want to become a better person but all of this arguing is doing no one any good. I do deserve way better than what I have gotten. I know deep down I know this. I just struggle to break this cycle. Fear of not having him in my life as my H, loosing the kids I have practically raised, fear of not making it on my own, never finding happiness. It is all about fear for me. I feel like if I detatch it will be the end because I am the only one who cares.
I do need to learn about boundaries and co-dependency. I want to become a better person for me and the kid(s). I want to do what it takes to be able to say in the end I did everything I could. If it saves the R it saves it that would be a perfect ending if we both grow learn and try to reconcile. If we dont I will be strong enough to move forward right?
