Lost, alone, and in pain

[Solo15]

Oh, also a word of caution as I lived in a similar situation for about 10 months. I always thought that physical affection meant something was behind it, like tenderness of feeling. We learn that early on when we are young men. If a girl is physical with you, it's usually honest and real. The touch came from a genuine place in a young heart that had not been filled with hurt.

I think that men and women are wired a bit different in this way, but it may be true for both. I think that women sometimes are able to disconnect love and physical touch, sex, etc. I think they learn to use it as a tool. I'm not saying this is true in all cases, but when a women is this off center, she can twist you up in knots with physical touch.

I realized far too late that her touch had little meaning, though I thought it meant that things were getting better. I had been dying for it for so long that it was cool water in the desert. My wife used sex as a tool to manipulate me. Sometimes it was just to feel good. Sometimes to keep me attached. I took it as a sign that she was falling for me again, but in reality it just really messed me up. Made me more confused.

My man, be careful if it does come back before your reconcile. Have an idea in your mind of what you would do if she did become physical with you. You are worth more than that. You wouldn't have taken being manipulated before you were married. A strong man will have standards. You deserve to be loved for real.

Sorry for all the posts, but these are some things that really messed me up, and I want you to avoid it if you can. Not that your sitch is the same as mine, but just kick it around in your head a bit.