My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

So is there anything that you know of that happened in your W's past (childhood) .... was there some issues there, I ask because if this is MLC your W will go through some tunnels. Looks like she is temp checking you currently to make sure you have not moved, to make sure her option #2 is still just where she left him. She will have to address these past issues before she will come out of it. Otherwise I worry you make it easy for her to return, with no boundaries, and she will rinse and repeat this mess as she still is doing her own thing ... just realizing that its not what she thought it would be.

There are some serious unresolved issues with her father. She confessed to me that she is still angry with now, as he battles cancer. She isn't sure if she will ever forgive him.

I have similar concerns with her returning. I don't want to go back to the old marriage at this point. I have given this a lot of thought just today, I think you're psychic. OM lost his job and she may find herself without a roof over her head. Months ago I would have been excited -- that she may be returning. Today I have felt a lot of dread. I do NOT want her to return under these circumstances. I feel like I can survive one of these, I don't want to return to the status quo and wait for another bomb to drop. She needs to finish her journey.

I would be concerned she comes back to early and to easily before she actually does the work ... sounds like she went off the tracks, can you think back to when? Not that it matters, they all have different time lines but for me reading about the stages and realizing it all started about 2009 for me helped me track where she was some. Plus the fact prior to learning more about MLC I just assumed things went bad after my father died and I went through those emotions .... turned out this ramped up the temp for W as he was the first person she actually knew who passed ... a few months after that there were serious changes that I was blind to due to my own deep seeded grief.

I have also given this some thought. She and I both returned to school about the same time. She finished her associates shortly before I finished my own. Towards the end of it, she had to change majors because she was unable to complete the math requirement (woman is SMART, but she is very right-brained. Arts, not so much in math). She was really torn up about it. Then she finished her associates and stopped working on school. I think the combination of the two finally pushed her into her tunnel.

Keep in mind the approach is the same, I do think here we are a bit more detached, a bit more patient ..well we are asked to be anyways .... yours truly was not very good at this part ...lol.

I am SLOWLY getting better at this part, and "good" is one of the last words I would use to describe how I have been with it.

Cali, thanks a lot for taking the time to respond.

Edit -- The other color made my eyes hurt when I read it.