MLC leads to EA and WAW

[HurtHus]

Wow that's a lot of abbreviations. Long story short, M 13 years, T 17 years, 2 kids (boy 7 girl 4). Things started changing about 5 or 6 months ago. W started to detach, I felt like I was losing my best friend. 5 months ago she began her EA. Allegedly she ended it about a month ago and we were going to work through this. I had suspected an MLC, but not the EA. I think the MLC lead to the EA, but in any event she has made no real effort to repair things. She admits her mistake and takes responsibility some times, but other times it's as if nothing ever happened and she is just not happy in our M.

I began to detach and not pursue her while validating the fear I know she felt from the MLC, but when she swore she ended the EA and wanted to work together to move forward I reengaged. I provided support and comfort. I see now that this was a mistake and we have had a back slide.

She still tells me the EA is over, but she misses him. She still says she is just "not attracted to me" anymore. Yet she made plans for us as a family to go to Hawaii over our anniversary.

How do I keep from going insane? I feel like I am bipolar. One minute I am hopeful, the next I am resentful, then I am angry, then sad, then it starts over. That's not bipolar actually, too many swings. I am trying to make it through limbo one moment at a time, but don't know how long I can hang on. I have been making changes to myself. My kids have responded very positively. Her entire family has shown support for me through all of this. Everyone of them has told me there was an OM, but I never believed them. My W has cut all ties to her parents, she barely talks to her sisters and when she does she pretends everything is great. She talks to a few girls from work (one just got divorced) and they are telling her what ever she wants to hear otherwise she wouldn't talk to them.

This is the worst thing I have had to endure.