What Wonka means (and I agree) is that in reading your posts it sounds like you have zero compassion for your W and what she is going through. Your attitude is you are the victim and she is a careless bully. And I totally get it, I went through that phase post-BD too. But if you ever hope to rebuild your M, you have got to get past the anger and bitterness and start to have some compassion towards your W. Do you think arguing with her about a babysitting fee is advancing your situation? What if you had said "W, money is short but I know you're going through a lot and could use some away time, so find a babysitter and I'll cover the costs. Get out and enjoy yourself a little." What would THAT have made your W think? How would THAT have altered the mood of the conversation? Your actions are reinforcing her feelings about why she left, she's just thinking "yup, same old controlling, manipulating H." So CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS. Have compassion. Be sympathetic. It's all over Sandi's rules, these forums and the DB book. You've got to embrace those things if you ever want to save your M.
