new here

[lonelee]

I am reposting this section as i would like some insight. where i feel it is one of my 180's that i had started before my spouse had moved out. before i even knew it was a 180 or what DB was all about.


I feel like we are just off track and not completly broken.
Maybe just my defense mechanism playing out here but we still care very much.. not just my words.

We don't hate one another we still have laughs we are still attracted to one another.. things aren't completely miserable and he agrees we just want and need things to be better. We both have said we don't want the same relationship we had. Again I have hope.

That is why this is so difficult.
I am not miserable (any longer) I am coping really well and adjusting.
I have my bad days of course.

I am learning so much here but question my every move.
I know i'm not playing completely by the book.
I do want things to change and be better.

I am trying a modification if you will, of the going dark for days and then usually txt or end up seeing him if able.

I guess that is probably the persuer chase game going on because after a few dark days he is eagerly txting back and suggesting we get together.
I am having a difficult time working around the 180 in this regard because one of our issues was lack of intimacy for him.

Not that I didn't want it I was stubbornly not as willing because my emotional needs were not being met as I expressed before.

Before coming here I made a valiant effort to rekindle, accept advances and made plenty of my own.

At that time I figured before we separated I wanted to make a lasting impression and I did. I also figured what do i have to lose at this point he is moving and having A i might as well try everything i can.

He had said just before S that if things had been like the last 2 months earlier in our R we probably wouldn't need to be S.

Of course we both know more needed to change than better communication and SR to have a better marriage.

This is where one of my 180's comes into play.
I have made the efforts to be more aggressive, spontaneous sexy etc.. do I just shut that off now?

Of course im also hoping he will no longer want to see OW as well if more or all of his needs are being met with me.

Also as ROUKY asked I too wondered about this

I was wondering about your 180, if you were to "shut off" what you just done, wouldn't it send the message that it was a temporary change?


Uuuggghhh.. this is so tough

NO I don't want to share him
NO I don't want diseases
YES iv'e recently been to my Drs..

Thank you everyone for your support ideas and thought provoking questions.