Yes, I do understand better. Thanks for clarifying. I am not calling to speak to wife, but sincerely my boys. Maybe there is a hint of connection after thinking about it but not intentional. I can see a big clearer that I am doing things for myself and my boys, but there is also to show my wife I am changing which goes against me doing things for myself and my boys. I am forging forward as best I can for a better me regardless, yet it is happening at a pace of 70/30 and the 70 is for me and the boys. It's a gradual progress that I have to mentally embrace. I just love her and its [censored] its like this but I know I will endure whatever comes my way.
I don't know what the future holds and not knowing whether I will be with the mother of my children is a remainder that I have failed somewhere at being the better me or good enough to love or be with. That is just a lousy feeling. I know that I am not a bad man or person nor will I sit here and sulk in my misery because there have been and are many woman that want to be with me that have told me and are telling me, but it's not right when it's not right. I am also not saying my wife is wrong in what she experienced as it was her own experience. I am sorry for my failures and I know I will do better and I do know that I will rise like the Phoenix and be the new FDU 2.0 for myself and my three boys!
