12 years is a long time for NPD, NPD with a managed pathology implies very low level, low score and high functioning.
I edge towards an abuse mechanism, I think it's more about control, deliberate control. In some Rs that can suit both parties and they are both happy. WH and his first now deceased W1 had this pattern. Was she happy, I really don't know but it obviously worked.
No More Mister Nice Guy is co dependency in action (plus a couple of other dynamics).
I am going to think about the difference between NPD and abuse. Abusers can be NPD but not all are. I think you had a spell breaker moment in this.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
