And Ghost, don't be so sure there is not another man somewhere in the works. 99% of the time there is another man/woman in the works and it can surprise the heck out of you how devious our spouses can be. Mine setup numerous hidden email accounts and hid things in incredible ways. It can very well be the case that she's found someone else (If we were in Vegas, I'd put money on it) that stroked her ego and made her feel butterflies in her guts (she will call him her soul mate).
As you have experienced, she said she's been unhappy for a long time and that is called a script, we've all had that said to us. They tend to rewrite history to justify what they have done. IF you think about it surely you will find examples of things that she say happened one way but you have a different recollection of it.
Ad it really noes not matter where we are on our journey, because only hindsight is 20/20. You are getting great advice here, I sure do wish you'll take it and not try to be a smart ass. We all think/thought that our situation is different and that we can nice our spouse back to the marriage. We can not. And no, our situation is not all that different from all the other guys on these boards. And the sooner you stop driving your head trough the wall the better for you. Do not expect immediate results, you are months away from the results phase (likely more than a year) and the situation is bound to get worse before it gets better.
DO NOT MOVE OUT. If she wants out of the marriage, that is her choice, but for heaven's sake, grow a pair and stand up to her. Again, you cannot nice her back, you cannot start all the things you should have been doing in the marriage now and expect it to matter to her. It will not. If anything, it will just piss her off.
Expect spewing from her, expect her to try to manipulate you, expect her to lay all the blame for the breakup on you. Do not let her. Own you $hit, but own your part of it only. Read and reread Sandi's rules and do it daily. Do not beg, plead, convince her, it will not work, it will only make you look weak, and women HATE weak, absolutely HATE it. Sure they say they want a compassionate man, yada yada yada, but at the end of the day, they want a man, a strong and confident man, and confident is sexy, confidence is a turn on.
So let go of your fears, as others have pointed out, your marriage is dead, gone and you truly have nothing to lose. NOT A DAMN THING...
Be the best dad you can be and do not look over your shoulder for your W, she will notice changes, she may not say anything, but she will notice. You have to make her miss you, but not by word, by actions!
As I said, be the best dad in the world, play with your little ones, to special thing for your older ones.
