Great advice from Zues, and I think your goals and personal work is so commendable. You're making great progress - even feeling sad about insights is progress. It's excellent that you actually want him to be away so you can think!

I understand your uncertainty about what to do with his kids. I think I would go from situation to situation. If you have plans of your own when your daughter is away, let him know that you are not available to take care of his kids. If you are home and don't have a problem with it, take care of them. When you take care of them, you're letting him live the single life. I would think it would be a greater chance of him and OW being confronted with reality if he has to take care of his own children on his own time. What a damper on their fun time! And that's why he has custody and visitation, so his kids can be with him - not you... But I would do it gradually, so he doesn't think you're saying no out of spite - but just because you happen to have plans.

Would renting a room or two in a house be an option for you? That should be a lot cheaper than getting a place of your own?

M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17