OK, 714, when someone says they are depressed and down isnt depression. Your M was finishing, WAW left it. I think that entitles her to feel down don't you? That isn't necessarily being depressed, Just unhappy and sad.
This is from our NHS website: Depression is more than simply feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days. We all go through spells of feeling down, but when you're depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days. Some people still think that depression is trivial and not a genuine health condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms, and it's not a sign of weakness or something you can "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together".
How to tell if you have depression
Depression affects people in different ways and can cause a wide variety of symptoms. They range from lasting feelings of sadness and hopelessness, to losing interest in the things you used to enjoy and feeling very tearful. Many people with depression also have symptoms of anxiety. There can be physical symptoms too, such as feeling constantly tired, sleeping badly, having no appetite or sex drive, and complaining of various aches and pains. The severity of the symptoms can vary. At its mildest, you may simply feel persistently low in spirit, while at its most severe depression can make you feel suicidal and that life is no longer worth living. Most people experience feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety during difficult times. A low mood may improve after a short time, rather than being a sign of depression.
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I read your posts on Sandi new WW thread about your WAW reactions to you, her petulance, anger and clear screaming banshee style reaction. That's not depressive style, but railing and annoyance. I am going to suggest you read No More Mr Nice Guy and Codependent No More, (I personally like Codependence for Dummies) and see if there are any thoughts there. Consider if your boundaries are strong enough and if you are detached.
Additionally consider if WAW is abusive in some way. There are three styles of abuse patters, Reactive (in response to another's abuse of you and never initiates), situational (because of your life and current position- lasts for the stress period itself and initiates, finishes when the stress ends) and systemic (in the personality of the individual and present throughout the R and in R after R).
If your WAW is a WW then of course that's different but if she isn't, your strategy is completely different. If you treat a WAW as if she were wayward, and behave as if she were (like my WH treated me) then I believe you will drive her further away. If she is abusive (situational?) then your strategy is different yet again. As you discuss your sitch and have IC help then decide on your 180s. It is so important for you, this may be an instance where the board counsellors would be helpful in determining your way forward.
I think we need to know more and have more Intel. I will ponder some more.
In the meanwhile you can consider the abuse thread.
