Sunny I think you are right I do hope if I become a woman only a fool would leave he will come to his senses is it a guarentee nope not even close but at least I will have the benefit of being stronger and happier with or without him! I would stand to guess the healthier I become the less I will NEED him and the more likely it will open my eyes to reality not the dream world I seem to live in!Nee have 50/50 custody so having them watch on our/his time is unfortunately not An option especially with D4 as her mom is not very cooperative! My hope is of course to start over with a healthy R with H but that is second to becoming healthy myself! I can not have a healthy R with him or anyone else for that matter if I am not mentally healthy know how to set boundaries problem solve communicate and control my anger! I want to spend the next 10 months working on those and I would guess if I can complete those changes I will be able to stand up for myself and make a decision on what is best for me to stay or go! Hopefully I will be able to go if he does not follow along and make changes also hopedly I will be able to feel mentally healthier and have learned about boundaries! I do not feel I am making much progress I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and stop stumbling it's going to be a very long road! It was very saddening tonight driving home I realized how unhealthy this has all been for the first time! For the first time I see it as more of a need than a want! For the first time I am almost happy he is camping with OW in September just to give ME a break some space to really think! My goal is to not contact him that entire week I will be at his races I will go to fence and wave what not but I will not call or text I need that time to reflect To see what it's like being in bed by myself and learning I can be on my own!
