OK, over it again. I felt like I was getting back on the rollercoaster again today and I didn't like it. I had a rough day but even so, my rough days are SO much better than they were even just a month ago. A world better than 3 months ago. I am doing better. Today there were a few emotional bumps in the road because I am human and this is a process. Back to my life. Which he is welcome to join if he ever decides to be my husband again. His choice.
Wow. Its hard for me to even begin to appreciate all that you have been through based on those paragraphs above, and I can imagine it was difficult to get that all out here in the open on this public stage.
I'm way too new here to have any real meaningful advice for you on what the best road to take is, but I just want to say that IMO you are doing exactly the right things for you and your kids right now and turning this crap situation into something you can hopefully look back on some day and see how strong it has made you.
You've been at this a bit longer than me, but I think you and I are at similar points right now on our DB path. Still love and care for our spouses, still open to a M 2.0 that could be great, but also see that their journey right now is one for them and them alone. So we accept and begin to move forward, making ourselves and our own lives the best we can, focusing on that which we can actually control.
It's hard to stand by and watch loved ones seemingly implode while simultaneously letting go, but it is the true path to healing.
Me:36 W:30 M:2.75 T:7 BD: 4/2015 ILYBNILWY: 5/2015 W Moved Out: 5/2015 W filed for D: 7/2015
Thanks Jedi, yes that is where I am, but constantly "reminding" myself because the emotions keep creeping back in. But I am doing well.
I was going to attend an al-anon meeting tonight at the suggestion of my IC, but I decided not to. I am not staying with him if he continues binge drinking and raging at me while drunk, and I am sick of thinking about our problems. I found a photography class to take tonight at that same time, something that is fun for me!
I am also a major avoider, so maybe this is part of my pattern of avoidance, but I just don't want to go down the alcoholic route- he isn't one yet, he is just at the beginning stages of a drinking problem, so instead of learning to cope with this I have decided to get out if it continues. And he knows it. So again, his choice. I will gladly tackle any issues we already have, if he chooses to start some new addictions he will be alone. We can move forward, we can stay the same for awhile, but I am not going backwards with him.
I like the decision to take the photography class vs the al-anon! One, it's for you, so it'll be more rewarding I think. Two, like you said you dont care to deal with that newly forming issue, and I can't blame you. Let that be a problem for later on down the road if it's necessary.
Emotions creeping up are a bitch. 90-95% of the time I'm just fine with my life now, but every now and then I have a trigger to remind me that this still hurts somewhere deep down. I think time, and time alone, can fix this.
It may not mean a lot coming from a newbie like myself, but FWIW I think you're doing great.
Me:36 W:30 M:2.75 T:7 BD: 4/2015 ILYBNILWY: 5/2015 W Moved Out: 5/2015 W filed for D: 7/2015
I am feeling very strong, punctuated by moments of extreme self doubt and anxiety, and I am sure that is just a natural human reaction to being in this sitch. I am not going to be hard on myself. You are right about time fixing this.
Thank you, any advice or comments please keep them coming. I feel very different than most of the people on this board, mostly because my H is still here in the home and I really am starting to believe that he isn't going anywhere. But rather is going to stay here and ignore me and blame me and continue to withdraw until either I get fed up or I give up and just live with this sad situation. I of course am hoping for healing.
Photoka, I feel your pain. My H is still here too and it is hard, but at the same time it is probably better than living apart. I also sometimes get the sense that my H is trying to get me to file so he is not the bad guy, but other times I truly think he is trying to see way to stay M. I just try to DB my best and hope it is the later.
Hang in there!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Thank you BT, I also sometimes feel like my H is just pushing for me to make a decision, I also feel that way in MC, like he is just going so that he can say "I tried everything, we even went to MC" .
Just a quick update to let you all know I am LOVING detachment. It took me a long time to get here but this is such a relief. And GAL too, I am having so much fun. More fun than before BD. I have friends and interests and plans and this is real, no longer "faking it" or using it as an escape from my problems, it has become real. I also completely stopped pursuing. I needed the detachment for that to work, detachment is my new best friend. Better than anti-anxiety meds. Better than wine. I am seeing things so much more clearly and I am feeling stronger and happy. I had a relapse the other day and it was so obvious to me how far I've come, and that I need to stay off that rollercoaster.
And, as a side note, really not even the point, but H is initiating conversations with me. And I say that is a side note because even a month ago that would have made me so ecstatic, now I am just curious and mildly hopeful that it is a good sign.
Yes, Azzork, exactly! Although thoughts and doubts still creep up....but I can push them aside instead of caving in to them. This has been so hard. I am standing aside now and letting H figure out his issues.
