Newbie needing support and advice

[ep0215]

Okay so here is my update from this morning. I got to the mediator's office and H wasn't there yet. She came out to get me and commented on how good I looked this morning, even my attorney told me later "keep doing that, look your best. He will see what a fool he is being for leaving you". Are they on the DB train? LOL

Before H got there my attorney and the mediator told me that all the professionals met this morning and all of them agreed that H has a very hard time making decisions; takes a long time to process thoughts; etc. They all see it. I shouldn't get my hopes up that a time-sharing schedule would be agreed upon today. It wasn't. More on that later. The overall meeting was just to go over what will be figured out over the next few months and gave us some “homework” assignments for the next meeting in September. H has not done a single thing to prepare for this divorce. He has not thought of anything. It kind of makes me mad that we get along so well and have a very simple life, it isn’t going to be hard to split up, because I feel like he is still just eating cake and there aren’t any consequences. He hasn’t done any of the financial prep they asked us to do, put together his time sharing options, filled out the parenting plan, nothing. It is so frustrating!

We did work through the parenting plan and narrowed down most decisions for our son but the day-to-day time-sharing is still undecided. He shot down every idea I brought to the table but couldn’t offer any solutions of his own. I validated his fears of him not getting the number of overnights he wanted but I am compromising one of my weekend days every other week to give him extra time. The mediator told him point blank that he has until the 18th to think about this and to get creative with his schedule and come up with ideas. He can’t shoot down everything I offer and not bring anything to the table. I am so glad someone else is holding him accountable.
My attorney told me after the meeting in private that he is such a fool and he would not be surprised one bit if he was regretting this decision and definitely would be 6 months from completion.

I can’t believe how calm and unemotional I remained through the whole 2.5 hour meeting. I just kept telling myself “this is a business meeting, not personal”. The only time I really got thrown off is when the professionals all thought that this was going so smoothly that we could have a final agreement by mid October of this year. WHAT?? That I think is way too soon for me. I definitely felt shaken up by the quickness of that timeline.

I need to think about where to go from here on the DB front. I want to start thinking about the things I did not like in our marriage and how I can change those through me to make me a better spouse.