It's over

[job]

BEC,
I've been reading along and shaking my head at your behavior. Yes, you are angry and frustrated and you need to get those emotions out and then get yourself under control. As I have, as well as others, have pointed out, you can't control her. You are separated and what she does in her house is her business, just as what you do at your place is your business.

If I am interpreting your postings correctly, and if I'm wrong, please correct me, but you have a joint account or some such where the money is kept for the bills and she's been paying them. I also vaguely remember that she's doing some part time work too. So, if she's doing some part time work, who is to say that she's not using that money to pay the sitter? Who is to say that she wasn't advised by her lawyer to start getting a sitter, i.e., rather than having you there all of the time in her space snooping and questioning what she's doing and where she's going? Quite frankly, if I had been in her shoes, I would have done the same darn thing and got a sitter. You come across as a nice guy on here, but you also come across as a controller and want things all of your way. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way in a relationship and more so when you are separated and divorced. I imagine that when you are divorced, she'll be getting a sitter quite often because she doesn't want you around in her space and knowing what she's doing and when she's doing it and w/whom, if anyone.

Now, on to what I want to ask you...how many times have the posters told you not to discuss the relationship, the separation, etc.? How many times in the last few days have we advised you not to have conversations about what may go down w/a divorce? I can answer that for you...plenty of times. You can't seem to STFU and that's gotten you into trouble time and time again. Now, I'm going to remind you one more time...STOP TRYING TO TELL HER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS WILL BE IF A DIVORCE TAKES PLACE. You are not her father nor an authority figure in her life. YOU ARE SEPARATED HEADING FOR DIVORCE! The consequences of her actions are hers to learn and own. Take care of your side of the street.

Your main concerns right now are finding a place to live, your children and yes, listening to your IC and your lawyer. From where I'm sitting, you just blew everything off from your recent IC appointment. Learn to control those emotions and not run off at the mouth w/her. Find an outlet to take those frustrations out on because if you don't, she'll use your emotional state against you and call it mental and verbal abuse. STEP WAY, WAY BACK AND STFU!

I ran across a quote today that I want to leave w/you. It is by Pema Chodron:

"nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know
…nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. but what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. if we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. it just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.”

Your teachers have been trying to advise you on what you need to be doing and yet, the advice has fallen by the wayside time and time again. Please LISTEN to what we are telling you. Many of us have been down the road you are traveling and we would not give you incorrect advice.