Hello

[714Dad]

I don't see going dark either. I must have added it in mentally with the LRT stuff i've been doing.

going dark stuff is here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=42377#Post42377

i've read and reread the rules. read and reread the validation thread. read and reread detachment stuff.

at this point i have nothing to confirm an A, but the idea of an imaginary OM is disturbing. the only thing i can think is that her dad might be the OM. not in 'that' way, but in the validating, never arguing, always accepting way. i never could get to his level of calmness. at least not for long. it always seemed like there was something i did without even realizing it that would make her mad and start the whole positive feedback loop all over again.

the only real 180 i can do and keep doing is the reamining calm, validating her feelings, and when i disagree to do so calmly and not to bring up examples of her being wrong.

I'll look for 'Edz thread'. if you happen to have a link though i'd appreciate it.

i've been following the 34 recommendations almost perfectly. at least since 7/11. except #6, as i end up explaining the situation to people because they seem so shocked when i tell them. i never ask for help though. except i did ask for prayers for our family from my close familly. and i was asking for people to pray for her heart and her happiness.

she's not here though so i the examples are mostly phone based. again, it makes validating okay, but i can't make eye contact or talk to her in person. it just feels like the longer she's away the more the hardness is solidifying.

i'm GALing and staying positive when i talk with her, but my God is it hard to do sometimes.