See each R you have as a separate distinquished R. Each of your children has their own lives and thoughts, they may seem to be of one mind and opinion but that isn't possible.
And the thought that by choosing to stand you are selecting WW does not stand scrutiny. It's an illogical fallacy. By choosing one thing you are not rejecting another. This isn't a multiple choice issue.
The R that each of them has with WW is unique too. WW has much work to do if she ever emerges from her fog, but we make decisions on today not tomorrow's possibilities.
If you want to stand do so, you may hold this as private to yourself. The reason is as MWD mentions be careful who you disclose an A to in a family, it could causes difficulties.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/26/1504:57 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Do you ever get those days where you just want to stop DB'ing on your M and start to file for D because you think it's a shortcut to something inevitable? I'm having one of those today...
Over the past few days, a week even, I've been really buoyed by some of the posts and feel that I'm being strong, have GAL (few days in the week where there's nothing to do) am as dark as possible (only breaking cover to discuss joint financials) yet it feels like it's all a waste of time as there are so many family members (all of them) and the person inside my head telling me to "give it up, start the D process and move on, your marriage was all wrong and should have been ended a long time ago".
I do see DB'ing as very important as it's enable me to move from being a needy wreck to someone in control, feeling confident and understanding that there is a future but I am troubled by the thoughts that are surfacing about the way forward is to formally drop the rope as what's been said by loved ones makes a lot of sense.
I guess it's just one of those down days on the rollercoaster...?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Maybe I wasn't being that clear though, I do feel (very) detached, I now have a life and my self respect plus I feel like the man I knew was always there inside, he'd hidden from himself from view for a while. I am not frightened to take action knowing it will stir up the WW and her "script".
What is happening today is a feeling that continuing to taking charge means to file for D and whomever the partner in the next stage in my life is going to be will appear, anything else I do will simply slow down the process of finding that person.
Maybe the W's "script" is exerting control over me and I should recognise that and act accordingly i.e. stay firmly dark and wait to see what time brings along. In fact, now that I've written that last sentence I realised that it was my need to fix things taking over and all I need is to reassert my patience.
Did I just talk to myself out loud and maybe get the right answer?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
What is happening today is a feeling that continuing to taking charge means to file for D and whomever the partner in the next stage in my life is going to be will appear, anything else I do will simply slow down the process of finding that person.
If this is the outcome that you truly want then by all means take action. If you want to start dating or moving forward with some one else then - YES - File and get divorced first.
It wasn't yesterday and it's only been 3 months since BD so maybe I am being influenced by the W's script and need to wait and see how I feel in a few days.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I am also influenced by the phrase I think you used which is that "sometimes people do all the right things and the D still happens...". I know I'm taking it out of context, it did start me thinking though.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
