Signing the Big D - What to do Next?

[Sotto]

Pink, I'm glad to see that RD just stopped by too. I'm sorry this is such a hard time. I can understand what you say about the finality. That's something to come to terms with and grieve the loss of your M as it was. Also, as you say perhaps some closure of this phase - of moving towards D - will also help you.

I agree with RD, and I don't believe your H is a monster. I think he is lost, confused, plunged into a vortex and he just doesn't know what to do.

Yes, he may be grasping at the chance to apply for jobs in Paris. But if he does that he doesn't see his boys much. But he's not happy here - what does he do? And he's losing a woman that he loves.....due in large part to his own actions - but still.....

If you can see some of this as a third party observer - and not as a hurt spouse - perhaps that may help. He is not a winner here. And I suspect it may well get worse for him. If your D is finalised, he is going to realise that THAT hasn't made him feel better. Just misery still. And things with OW aren't that great as he already said.

There is a shifting pattern of strength between the WAS and the LBS in these sitches. When the sitch begins, the LBS is in an awful place - reeling, shocked, full of pain. But then we begin to sort ourselves out - trauma growth it is called. And we grow stronger and stronger and find more peace within ourselves. More independence.

The WAS starts out just great. On an endorphin high and enjoying some passion, frisson, intensity with OP. But that R gradually sours. And the excitement ebbs away. Leaving what? A ruined M, damaged R with your sons. And a R with OP that you don't want anymore. Or they don't want you. It implodes in that way.

At some point, the LBS overtakes the WAS in terms of strength and happiness. I suspect you reached that point some time recently. Even amidst the angst of readying yourself for D. I think you may well feel better in yourself than he does.

So, please don't demonise him. Try not to react to his poor choices and continue on your own positive path - largely unaffected by what he does just now.

You have come through so much, and you will get through tomorrow. And you will heal, and your life will become happier again lovely Pink. I do hope we get to meet some day my friend.

Take care xxx