Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[714Dad]

The kids didn't see much of this. It usually happened when they were asleep or were spending the night at the grandparents. they might see her crying after getting really mad at me for something, and they'd ask why mom was crying. i'd usually tell them that everyone needs to cry sometime, and a couple times i called them in and we all gave her a big hug together.

D6 has a temper, but for me the entire year has been about calming, being with her when she's upset, explaining the ideas of choosing how to feel, etc. the idea being that i could show her how to choose as i changed and became better. I did get mad a few times, when she hit her sister, etc. but it was over in a few seconds and then i tried to work through the feelings with her, to try and make it a teachable moment.

again, try not to hear excuses in these comments.

my wife hasn't displayed the physical anger before this past year (as i was in counseling and getting a grip on things). she's yelled and screamed at me in the past, but all the physical stuff is new. it's one of the reasons she left i think, saying i bring out the worst in her.

so i don't know what to do. she just grew increasingly unhappy it seems throughout the year, bringing up older and older stuff but never processing it out.

at one point she said "i guess i'm not over all these things from the past." whereas before she would always talk about forgiveness and how important it was. how feelings were your choice and one had to choose to be happy - that no one else could do it for them. at the time i couldn't comprehend it. i was so lodged in frustration and discontent.

i so want my W to go to IC, but i, as the LBH, can't bring it up. as i've said, i so want her to be happy. i feel very responsible for her unhappiness and i just want her to smile and laugh again. and of course, i want that to be with me. i'd rather see her happy though.

this [censored].