Yesterday, my mind was all over the place during the day but I ignored her most of the day and what do you know. Texting and calling several times. I just told her I was in a meeting when I finally responded. (Should I not even justify myself?)
When I got home from work I was upset but nothing to do with her, got some bad news about a potential new job which I was really looking forward to. I wanted alone time but then it turned into her trying to talk to me time about my being upset.
This turned into a discussion about "us" after she found a letter she had written me many years ago on the floor on my side of the bed. She asked me why I read it...etc So I did...laid most of it out being very factual and non-emotional. A few comments she made at the end was like "oif we tried again it would just fail again" I told her I don't want to salvage our old relationship that is what got us to this point to begin with I want to start a new relationship with who we are now. I don't want to throw away our history but I don't want to repeat it. Not really sure how she felt about this last thing because we got interrupted by some company but we were talking for a good..almost 2 hours with little negativity...etc. She did ask me why I would even still want her.
Today she called and also sent a text telling me she'd like to talk if I had time. I waited a bit and tried to collect my thoughts trying to prepare myself for some onslaught or something. Surprisingly it seemed like she really just wanted to talk?
Goals right now: 1. Do not get hopes up, things can change as quick as a blink! 2. Stay detached 3. Work on myself still, work on knowing myself better work on getting out and improving myself 4. Be there for my kids.
