DBing still......WW still (Part 2)

[HurtJef]

Wish I could say the same. My WW is acting like a teenager but thats fine. She has ruined all her relationships and only has a select few who support this new lifestyle.

Im fine where I am at.

[Bob723]

Hello Jeff,

Thank you for the words of encouragement in my thread. You are a Rock Star.

I feel the same way as you do. I do not want a divorce but will not stand in my wife's way if that is the road she chooses. In my case, this has been going on since October. My IC is still trying to get me to move on and forget about my W. He knows how I feel. Why do I still see him? Because he does have some good advice and he helped me, along with the wonderful people on this board, to have the courage to go out and actually enjoy myself.

What type of GAL activities have you done recently? Something that you REALLY enjoy. GAL and not worrying about the future have helped me very much. If you want to fight for your M, do it!

I'll dedicate a prayer for you right after this post.

I wish you well.

Bob

[HurtJef]

Bob,

Thank you for the prayer, I will say one for you also.

As far as my IC goes. She knows how I feel about my sitch as well. I actually really enjoy talking to her so I hesitate to switch.

With my GALing....I started doing yoga(badly lol), I have been attending church regularly again....i have been wearing out my treadmill as well as taking the kids for walks...taking them swimming and to the park...as well as going out with friends when I get the chance. I am reading many relationship books as well as the bible. Bought new clothes and cologne. Been buying myself carry out from new places once a week.

Really trying to make myself happy. It doesn't always work but I feel better it seems more often.

I still have my rough moments. Usually once a day I lose myself in my sitch but I am learning to get through it quicker.

My wife really has no interest in talking to me...which is fine. We communicate usually by text...never by phone. I see her usually a couple times a week during kid transfers and those are always short. I hear things about her that aren't very pleasant but I cannot save her anymore...nor does she want me to.

Just living one day at a time ,my friend.

[Bob723]

Jeff,

You're very welcome, and thank you, too. Prayers are always welcome. It sounds like you are on the correct path. I urge you to keep it up. Rough moments? Of course you will have them. It happens to all of us. You are going thru a traumatic time in your life. The more you focus on doing things for yourself, little by little, you'll begin to feel stronger. That's what has happened to me. Trust me, I'll admit it has not been easy, but I'm so happy I didn't give up.

My W and I rarely communicate either. If we do, only by text. I haven't tried contacting her at all in at least 2 weeks. At least 2 more weeks of staying dark. If I don't wait another 2 weeks, I'll get whacked upside my head with a 2x4 by our dear friend, Wonka.

I think you have this. Keep your chin up and always try to think positive thoughts.

Take care buddy.

Bob

[HurtJef]

Today, I open up facebook and the first thing I see are pics posted by my WWs roommate of my Ww and OM together. Ugh.

I unfriended her b/c I dont need to see that but it hurt. It hurt bad. I hadn't seen them together since the day I found out.

Plus, I know it was wayward lies but she swore to the kids he was not her boyfriend and that she wasn't seeing anyone.

Im okay.....just triggered a bunch of emotion

[Sotto]

Sorry you had to see that.....yuk!! FB is best avoided at times like this IMHO. I have seen so many posters hurt by stuff that goes on social media - best to go cold turkey on it I think.

[PigPen]

I'm with Toots and have been on a FB boycott since BD. The only times I've gone on there have left me hurt! Without fail.

Stay strong Jeff.

[HurtJef]

Really trying to stay strong.

Found out some stuff today that my ww was doing behind my back for years. Not cheating (she saved that for later), but lets say she wasnt being honest about alot of money stuff.

Also she called me tonight and wanted me to ask my parents to watch the kids for her Saturday. She wants to work the american legion golf outing and it is all day saturday. I told her that she is responsible to find a babysitter when she has the kids. She said that she would ask them herself but they dont talk to her anymore.

I told her to ask her family......she hung up.

Then she texted me later asking if we could go school shopping for the kids together on sunday. I simply said....no thanks

I hate being this way.....but she fired me as her H.

[HurtJef]

Ok...its been over a week since I posted anything. Last time I was here I found out about my wife hiding alot of her money from me to feed her gambling addiction during our marriage....as well as taking money from our kids xmas fund a few years ago to go to the casino. She lost it all and had to borrow it to put it back.

I am really flabbergasted by this. As i have said before...My Ww is a bartender and can lie about the majority of the money that she brings in. I was heartbroken all over again.

This past friday, I backslid hard and let her have it for the lies she has told me for all of these years. I was very mean and called her narsisistic and selfish. I explained how I felt instead of just STFU.

Then Saturday night, a crying, wasted WW called me and told me She loved me so much and could never love another man. She said that I am the same ahole I always was and that she wont take my verbal abuse anymore, even over text. She told me thats why she is with OM b/c he puts her in a pedestal and I am mean to her. She told me she loves me more than I know and that she didnt want me to forget that. I let her go.

I dont know what to do. I did backslide and berate her (by text) which is something she says is the main reason she cant be with me any longer. I am still DBing and showing tough love as far as doing things with her and for her.

I guess I feel that I am failing. I can't completly back away b/c of the kids and the constant transport schedule. Im lost.

[HurtJef]

She also made a point to ask me why all of a sudden I have been going out all of the time, she said she noticed the new cologne, new clothes, new sunglasses, new eyeglasses, the things i have done for my health.(lose weight, exercise. Etc)

And asked why I never did those things for her. I said that I understood how she felt but I should have done alot different when we were together. She said that she should have also but its too late now.

Man....i cant win

I know that I can be pretty verbally abusive when my wife doesnt take responsibility for her mistakes. It is a mechanism that I have, to try to elicit a response from her that never comes. Funny thing is...I am not that way with the kids. This is a problem I am working through in therapy, but obviously I am not better yet.