Should I not be texting at all? It seems like we should be talking and hanging out to become close again. Am I completely wrong here?
The DB'ing rule of thumb is sometimes reply back right away, sometimes not for an hour or two, and sometimes not at all. You want her to think you're moving on and GAL'ing, and it'll work best if you really ARE GAL'ing and you really ARE too busy to reply.
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Before she left we cuddled in our bed. When she left she kissed me. It's back on now. I haven't text her or called her at all today and I haven't heard from her either.
She's keeping you tied up as plan B in case OM doesn't work out. You don't want to be plan B. You've got to quit letting her spend the night and cuddle and such as long as she's still going home to OM. It's not helping your sitch.
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I should add that I'm not "in love" with her either. I love her in a mature, committed, type way. But I haven't felt the spark for a long time.
A lot of WAS's think that because the puppy love feelings aren't there that something is wrong. But puppy love feelings are temporary, they rarely last longer than about 6 months into a relationship before they are replaced with a more enduring type of love. WAS's leave the relationship to chase those puppy love feelings. Eventually that runs its course and they may at that point realize that the LBS was more important to them than they thought.
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I dropped the bomb yesterday in therapy that I was considering not reconciling.
Think long and hard before saying such things, because if you said it as a tactic to "wake her up" and "snap her out of it" then she will see right through it. She'll see it as manipulation to get her back, and controlling/ manipulative behavior is poison to a WAS.
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I told her that it was the cruel. I told her that it was evil. I told her that I also felt sorry for her that she had to live with for the rest of her life knowing what she did to me.
Quit playing the victim. There are reasons she left for OM, she didn't do it because you were the best spouse ever. What are those reasons? Write them down here. What are you doing to fix those issues? Write that down too. You have to change before she'll ever think about a relationship with you again, what are you changing?
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I then mentioned briefly the mentality of a cheater (rebellious, cold, selfish).
Sounds like you're reading the wrong books. Have you read DB? It has a much different take on why WAS's cheat. It's because something is very wrong in the relationship and they are trying to escape that. You can't guilt trip her into coming back. But you can start trying to see things through her eyes, understand what the problems were and make changes to yourself accordingly.
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but I felt like it had to be said.
No, it didn't. It was a big setback in your DB'ing.
