During the day sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, then I wake up and realize that yes this is happening. You never think it is going to happen to you. When you finally give all your trust and love to someone and become completely vulnerable because they told you they would never hurt you and would always be there.....
Sorry just venting, I will never understand. Its like my life was a dream the last 5 yrs
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
I just want the pain to stop. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Hi PT33, I'm so sorry it's a tough day. We have all been there, and I understand how awful it feels. From your post above - this is why one step at a time and one day at a time are so important just now. It is so hard to look ahead at the seemingly overwhelming future. But here's the thing - you just need to get through today. And you can think about tomorrow when it comes and get through that too.
In my early days, I managed to think a few days ahead only. Any more than that felt like too much. I couldn't think about next month, only this week. When you start thinking ahead, just tell yourself - I don't need to worry about that right now and focus on today.
Believe in yourself and know that you have the capacity to get through this difficult time. There are so many people here on the forum at different stages who are testament to that. If you need some support, do go and have a talk with your doctor and consider IC if you haven't already done so.
In the early days, I did quite a lot of walking which helped. I also started reading self help books (including DB and DR) which gave me some hope and a 'plan' to work to. I didn't trust my own instincts at that point because the bottom had just dropped out of my world. It also helped me to meet up with good friends, and to get out and do little things. I also upcycled some furniture in my Dad's garage and found that therapeutic. Working with your hands can really help soothe mental distress I think. Also, meditation can be soothing, and many people mention the Headspace app on this forum. There is a free trial if you wanted to have a go. Baby steps forward and looking after yourself.
For now, try and keep the focus on yourself, on self care and surviving a tough time. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. We are all here for you.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank u toots for ur encouraging words. I have been seeing an IC the entire 4 months. My wife told me yesterday that she will be going to stay with a friend when she gets back from seeing her brother. Then she will stay there until she can get a place in LA that will take our boxer. We have two dogs and I am heartbroken that I will never see him again. So I will stay here in the house with my sister until it sells. I am devastated, I don't understand. She said that she is unhappy and doesn't have it in her to try again that I was given a chance last yr. I did not know this at the time. Everyone has told her to give us another chance but she said they don't understand.
I spent most of yesterday crying with my mom. Trying to figure out why. How someone cud give up so easily on our marriage because they weren't happy. Even though I made all the changes and made myself a better person. I don't get how she could be so in love with me and then not be because of the normal ups and downs of marriage. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
I feel as though I have failed, my wife has filed and I will be getting the papers in the mail
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
I feel as though I have failed, my wife has filed and I will be getting the papers in the mail
PT ... YOU did not fail. You stood for your M ... and continue to do so. YOU can not control what she does ... no one can .. that's all on her.
Its not over, till you decide it is. You have only been here a short while, you can still very well continue to DB ... I was on the D table 3 friggin times in 18 months .... still here .. still standing ... even if I were divorced I would be better for it.
PT ... your M does not define you. Your W does not define you... PT defines you. I know it hurts, use that pain to propel you across the broken bridge, continue to focus on you ... let her be for now .. do YOUR thing.
PT...I don't have much to offer except my sympathies. You and I are feeling the exact same way. I don't understand how our spouses can just decide to act on feelings and make the "easy" decision instead of really digging in and making our marriages better. I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. Our timeline is pretty in sync with each other too.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Thank you cali, kyrie, and EP for your kind words and support. I am at a loss what to do now. How do I continue Dbing? How should I be acting towards her?
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Yeah, this is a very rough time for you. You're going have to dig deep to find that goodness inside you to be polite and cordial to W when you do interact with her.
Increase your GAL activities and be busy for they are wonderful distractions to your situation. If I would change anything in my early DB years, I would GAL like 25yearsmlc. 25 is GAL champion. Have you seen her GAL list?! It makes me have a headache just reading it. I suspect her next GAL activity is tackling Mt. McKinley.
Keep reading other threads for they do contain gems and I've ripped off some scripts from others early in my own DB years. Some I kept in my back pocket for the right time. I copied and pasted on Word to save in my flash drive. I pulled them up and reviewed them to memorize so it all became natural to me.
All of that was loooong before Sandi's Rules. Yeah, the Stone Age of DBing.
