I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult time. I think you were correct when you wrote that only those that have lost a child can understand the pain. I can't imagine the loss you have to deal with.
I hope that you can find peace. I'd suggest that part of that peace might be to let go any anger you have toward W in how she is handling this loss and not keep a scorecard. You are doing an amazing job of being there for you children and moving forward. Let the anger go.
I'm praying for you.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14