Is this a safe place to let my emotions out? Even if they are not in alignment with the last resort technique?

Do not read this post if you are not a sympathetic person. Do not read this if you are going to attack me for feeling what I feel. Know that I am not acting on these emotions. I am just feeling them and I just need to vent and release some emotions.

I have been trying to Act as If for a long time and sometimes I just need to feel what I'm really feeling. it is not easy to keep it all inside, especially when what I'm feeling is so intense and overwhelming to the point where Acting as If is almost impossible.

If I am attacked for this, I will just delete this post.

But know that I am not acting on these things. I just need to release my true feelings that I have been covering up since I found this place.

But all I want to do is tell her how much I miss her.
All I want to do is tell her how empty my life is without her.
All I want to do is tell her how I want to make up for the years I wasn't showing her I love her the way I should have.
All I want to do is ask her to give me another chance.
All I want to do is write her a long letter and tell her all these things.
All I want to do is write love songs for her. I have several already written. I want to play them for her. I want to put them on Youtube and post them on her facebook page and her friends will call her and say "wow that is so sweet, he really does love you."
All I want to do is stand and wait for her to come back.
All I can think of is her.
All I want to do is read back to her the love letters she wrote to me over the years, when she said "I know we are soulmates." When she said "what is real is our connection." When she said "we have an eternal bond."
All I want to do is tell her I agree, we are soulmates. Yes we do have an eternal bond. Snap out of it! Love is real! this is just a bump in the road, leading us to a new better relationship. this had to happen for me to see the changes that needed to take place. I get it now. Let's start over! It is going to so much better now!
All I want to do is tell her how the kids are going to be screwed up because of this.
All I want to do is tell her it's going to be a huge financial burden for both of us and neither of us are going to be able to make ends meet. Or go on vacations, or afford simple things like going out to dinner, or car repairs. There will be no money for college.
All I want to do is say this is going to make things more difficult for both of us in so many ways.
All I want to do is say, we don't have to destroy our family and our finances.
All I want to do is tell her I can't stand the thought of being without her.
All I want to do is say we don't have to do this. There is another choice.
All I want to do is say I love her more than I've ever loved anything and I ever will.
All I want to do is tell her I'm changing my life around and being the person I should have been. I've learned so much in the last month. I can see things I could never see before. I'm a different person.
All I want to do is I tell her I'm going to sit and wait for her to return, even if it takes forever.

My heart says to do all these things.

I know I'll be attacked for thinking and writing this. Sorry.

Go ahead and attack me.

I'm not doing any of this. I'm just saying what I feel inside. I can't change my heart. My heart just says, I love her and I can't let her go.

One of the hardest parts of this "Last resort" technique is that I can't share what I'm really feeling. I have to keep it all inside except for one or two friends who know what I'm doing...

And here. But I suppose I'm going to be chastised for sharing what I really feel and not keeping the Act as If thing going.

GAL says I just need to let go, detach, be my own person, and that's the only way I have even a tiny chance of getting her back. If i did any of this stuff it would push her away. I guess I have to believe it's true. But sometimes I feel like she's already pushed away, so do I really have anything to lose? Sometimes my heart tells me that by following the rules I am making it easier for her to go. Sometimes my heart says she might be thinking "why isn't he begging and promising me? maybe he doesn't really want me to come back" and I am making a huge mistake. She has tried to leave before and all that stuff has worked. How do I know the "never give up" method wouldn't eventually snap her out of it. Because, the main reason she left is because she didn't feel loved by me. isn't the best way to show her i DO love her is to drop everything in my life and do everything I can to get her back? Won't she at some point say to herself, "wow, he really won't give up on me. this is a person that really really loves me. this is what I've been looking for all my life. someone who won't let me go no matter what. I feel loved for the first time."

but I don't want to "backslide" so I won't.

go ahead and attack me. I just needed to release. if it turns into an attack Gabs for being weak thread, I will just delete it.

in the meantime I guess I'm going to work on my 180. that part is the easiest. its the GAL and Act As If that seems nearly impossible.