Hi all. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and are currently separated. She had an affair that has ended, but to calm down both sides we decided to separate. We have 2 young girls. We are currently in therapy, and are spending some time together, but she says she doesn't know if she is still in love with me and wants things to play out naturally in order to come to a decision in her head because she "is very confused on how she feels." I want to reconcile and save our marriage. Any honest thoughts and suggestions from anyone are appreciated. Feel free to ask any questions. Thanks in advance for all of your hell!
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Go buy the books asap! They will help you out, also read Sandi's lists, the woman is a gold mine of advice. And do not share anything with your wife that you read here or in the books.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks. The separation and living in an apartment is rough on me and the kids. All the advice and getting this process started hopefully towards reconciliation can't happen soon enough.
Also, just wanted to add some info here. We talk every day because of the kids, and we do occasionally hug, and when we say hello or goodbye, sometimes it's a peck on the Lips and sometimes not. She has recently accepted invitations to go to a concert and to go to the beach with me. We go to dinner every week after marriage therapy. Communication is good, but she says she needs to be certain that it will work and if she can get that love feeling back. Any thoughts on how to proceed from here?
